Rise above the circumstances

 “Then Simon Peter, who had a sword, drew it and struck the high priest’s servant, cutting off his right ear. (The servant’s name was Malchus.).Jesus commanded Peter, “Put your sword away! Shall I not drink the cup the Father has given me?”. Then the detachment of soldiers with its commander and the Jewish officials arrested Jesus.” (John 18:10-12)

I was struck by Jesus' submission to circumstances when I read this passage today. He had the option of fleeing. Some people think he had supernatural abilities and could have struck the soldiers with lightning. He did none of those things, though.

I have repeatedly observed this in the lives of numerous historical figures. For instance, Malcolm X went to the event despite knowing full well he would be shot. Bhagat Singh continued on his path despite knowing he would be killed. Despite the fact that King Leonidas and his valiant three hundred were no match for the god-king and his world army, they went to fight. 

What elevates people above suffering and death? There is beauty in this idealism. Why is the human spirit so resilient in the face of the most challenging situations? 

The circumstances, in my opinion, are crucial. Would Mandela have joined the ANC (African National Congress) and the anti-apartheid movement if the odds weren't stacked against him? Mandela actually had everything to gain from becoming a successful lawyer; white people would have welcomed him just as they had so many other black intellectuals. However, Mandela felt the pain of his people and became a fugitive and a prisoner. Thirty years is not a joke.  

One problem people with codependency have is that they are always trying to control things, circumstances, and people.  

If you are currently struggling because of adversity, This is your chance to excel in spite of your circumstances. understanding that men have faced and overcome the worst. In fact, they have used the circumstances and made a name for themselves.

Childhood trauma and relationships

 This is going to be a lengthy post, but it can help a lot of people. Over the years, I have met a lot of people, and when I meet them, sometimes I can tell that they come from dysfunctional families.

There are subtle signs and hints that you can observe, for example, if they are apologizing too much or they are trying very hard to please you, it's a sign that they were raised in a family where their emotions, feelings, wants, or needs were invalidated.

There can be so many reasons why, if you come from a middle-class family where money was an issue, you must have acted like there were certain things you didn’t really want or need, although you really wanted them and didn't want to burden your parents.

Or maybe your parents had an unpredictable temper.

Or maybe your parents were emotionally unstable, you might have found yourself trying to reconcile your two parents after a fight, or you might have found yourself taking care of their emotions and trying to comfort them when it was you who needed the assistance. You might have been privy to financial problems. This is called emotional incest.

This causes role reversal, also known as parentification—a phenomenon in which a child is forced to assume a parent’s role.

Now, is that bad? It's devastating... The damage it does to a child’s personality is horrible. When these children grow up, they use the same strategy to seek love. They do too much for others, they pretend they don’t have any wants or needs to not burden the person they like. As you can see, they repeat the same childhood strategy to gain love.

What really happens in the adult world is that they attract their polar opposites, mostly narcissists and abusers. Their happiness depends on another person’s moods and whims; this is called co-dependency.

How do I know all this? Well, I have been through some bullshit so.

There is nothing like heartache, all other pains have medicine, but emotional pain just goes on and on.

You can find peace, and the pain can end if you just accept the fact that the problem is inside you and not outside you. Obviously, one needs help with boundary work, healing the inner child, and recovering from trauma.

All this is very much possible, the most common symptom of boundary conflict or trauma is depression.

If you are going through any such problems. We can talk, I am not a therapist, just a person who has been through it all.

The point is, you attract who you are, and if you don’t heal, and don’t put in the boundary work, you are going to keep attracting the same abusers and narcissists. This isn’t limited to romantic relationships, it can be with friends, bosses, and co-workers.

Being in the adult world without doing boundary work can be extremely draining.

The end of men by Kashif Nasir

 

All men have this hole inside them, for intimacy, for emotional release. 

At an early age, boys are told that men don’t cry and they stop, on the other hand, girls quickly learn to use tears to their advantage. Once a boy reaches twelve the whole world is shut to him. Men can’t talk to other men about the stress they go through daily, because that’s not what guys do. Women on the other hand have many options they can express their emotions too. 

My boss this amazing guy recently lost his business, I lost my job, I texted him and asked him how he was he said “ he was fine” he asked me how I was “And I said I was fine”. And that was the end of the conversation. It has been said that losing a job could be like a family death. 

I am just trying to paint you a picture. Men can’t talk to other men, they can’t tell their problems to their mothers and sister because they have to be strong, they have this provider role. So who can men talk to?

Men will be shamed as a crybaby, as weak, or shut down as “You should man up”. Men can’t tell women they like how they feel because women are attracted to strong men and don’t want to appear weak. 

Men have the highest suicide rates. 

(Paraphrasing, Nora Robert’s Self-made man) (Side note Nora was a feminist who dressed as a man to write a book, Nora committed suicide)

Hannah Rosin recently wrote an article “The end of men” ( you can google it). I agreed with everything she wrote, Hannah said that girls are getting more educated than boys. She also predicted the end of manual jobs. Since men’s whole worth is their paycheck ( what they can provide). Men have reached an end. She wrote and I quote “ Men are the new ball and chain for women” Since educated women can earn more money than men they might be in a relationship with, young women feel they no longer need men. 

And that’s alright.  

 Men are going through a crisis, and every movement gives birth to a reactionary movement, as you can see the feminist movement gave birth to groups like the manosphere, the red pill community, mgtow. I have respect for these platforms because they have given men a platform, somewhere they can openly discuss how they feel. I mean come on look at the divorce laws in America. 

I feel there is a cause for misogyny. Men understand the immense power women have in the realm of relationships and sex. Also, it's somehow a man’s job to get a woman’s attention, ask for numbers, arrange meet-ups, get on a knee, and offer a ring. And women can simply say no and can completely shatter a guy’s confidence. I think men feel resentment and they feel emasculated about how rigged the game is. 

I think there is a reason why men become violent: anger is the only emotion men are allowed to express. 

Men have a strong need for companionship, as I mentioned in my post about how they are conditioned from birth. But being needy is being weak, I think men feel they need female companionship, and they abhor that they need it because it makes them feel weak, They understand women’s power, and that’s where misogyny comes from.     

Are we Iron ? Are we plastic ?

 

Many of you might have read Eric Blair also known as George Orwell. It has been said that he was a man of big hates. He hated many things, he hated totalitarianism, communism, etc…

 

I have realized that I do hate things… too many things… so today I will just talk about the things I hate…

 

I hate plastic. I can’t stand it. I abhor it. I loathe it.

I don’t know when I first started hating plastic but it has somehow become personal. I have this biochemical reaction whenever I think about plastic, the sensation I feel is similar to touching something wet while washing dishes or seeing some crawling creeping reptile. It’s disgusting.

I hate the nature of plastic. I hate how easily available it is, why can’t it be scarce? Don’t you hate things that are easily accessible? I hate the fact that it has no shape. I hate that it is easily moldable. I hate that it has no moral stance. It has no character. It can be anything you want it to be hence its nothing. I hate that it's nothing.

It should be something.

I mean look at Iron. It can stand very high pressures. It has a character. It takes a lot of effort to change its shape, its stance.

 Even when it rusts. It seems more natural, more humane but plastic lacks any human qualities. It’s pathetic. There is nothing organic about it. It is unnatural

 

Are we Iron? Are we plastic?

 

Slowly the plastic has replaced Iron, even the furniture is plastic now but nobody respects plastic. I abhor the chair I sit on because it is immoral, it is unnatural, it can be easily discarded. It is cheap. It can break anytime. It is not trustworthy but Iron, iron is trustworthy, you know it won’t break, it won’t deceive and it won’t let you down.

 

There is something about plastic that I abhor its touch. Why is plastic, plastic? Why is it so soulless? Why does it exist? I automatically lose interest in a drink if it’s in a plastic bottle.

Maybe you won’t understand why I hate plastic so much… maybe you do… maybe you feel exactly the way I feel.

 

The world is full of plastic; it’s full of individuals who are plastic. They have no character, no shape, no moral stance, no ideas, no original thoughts, they are brain dead, moldable, easily available, they are not even themselves aware that they were cut off this lump, this lump which is plastic, they try to fit in, instead of standing out, they take any place offered to them, they do what anyone wants them to do, they are unconscious and have no thought, they go through life like plastic bottles, they are shaped reshaped in a factory, handed out, used, discarded, brought back recycled reused an endless process without actually ever realizing what’s happening

Why shouldn’t I hate this lump of plastic, why shouldn’t hate this thing which demands to be called humanity. Yet shows no signs of it.

An organism evolving for billions of years busy in a rat race for what,

 Survival? Happiness? dopamine? Is that it?

Why can’t there be a higher calling, a higher purpose?

I believe there is a higher calling. I believe there is a higher purpose.

There is a thing that calls you out. A thing which you can’t help doing. A thing which drives you and gives you satisfaction no other thing can. It can be anything. But it’s your ultimate purpose, your ultimate calling. It’s what makes you unique and human. It’s what makes you not part of the lump. It’s what makes you not plastic. It’s what gives you character and makes you unique. It makes you formidable and gives you heights of fame. It makes you immortal but what won’t make you immortal is being plastic.

So today I want you to go home and burn all the plastic.

It is possible. That throughout our life we might have acquired a protective coating of plastic, a camouflage to fit in.

 

Today I want you to go and sit in the oven and melt all your plastic parts. Burn it all, let its meltdown, and when it’s all gone your naked soul will appear, a will of iron, a stance of iron, a character of iron. A character that doesn’t bend and is not flexible, a character of Iron, your real true self.

 

Oh you who have an inner life

Beyond this dismal day

With war and evil rumors rife

Go blessedly your way

 

Your refuge hold inviolate

On to yourself be true

And save serene from sordid fate

The real you.          

(The poem is copied)