Disqualifier by Kashif Nasir

 Disqualifier: 

Sometimes people post disqualifiers. It's not gender specific, it's about entitlement.

What is entitlement?

Expecting or believing that you deserve preferential treatment. 

What is a disqualifier? 

A disqualifier usually starts with a keyword: ' A Real Man or Real woman would' what follows next is a disqualifier. 

The person that is posting this has created a template, a goal-post, a hoop, a test for you to pass, for you to be in their good graces, for you to be accepted.

An example of a disqualifier

" A real man will treat his woman like a queen"

"A real woman will treat his man like a king" 

( while how a Queen and King are treated is up to this person's interpretation and mood)

Now a person that posts this kind of thing has unrealistic expectations, or he/she believes that they are entitled to preferential treatment. 

If you don't fit their mold, or jump through their hoop, YOU ARE DISQUALIFIED. That's why I call it a disqualifier.

What you can do? 

You don't need anyone's acceptance but yours,

 That takes work, reading psychology, therapy, working on your goals, fixing your routine, breaking away from addictions, and eventually finding your real self. 

In fact, the more you know yourself and know what you want the less you will fall for disqualifiers.

In my opinion, disqualifier is a sort of emotional manipulation. In which one person tells the other that they can have them but on terms and conditions, on the other hand, real intimacy is without any strings. 

When leverage enters any relationship the whole thing becomes fake because it disturbs the power balance.

PUA community roughly called disqualifier 'a shit test' something women would put men through ( again it's not gender specific)  

This is post is getting longer than I had thought. 

The truth is it all leads back to your childhood grooming, you are either a Co-dependent ( someone that seeks approval outside themselves) or you have narcissistic traits ( someone that only cares about taking and not giving back) 

There are fifty shades of grey between the two personality types... There are as many personalities as there are people. One piece of advice I would give Young adults is to read ' Diagnostic of mental disorders' before selecting a potential mate. It can save you a lot of heartaches, time, and money. There are a lot of undiagnosed mental and behavior disorders out there.

Always remember ' knowledge is power ' knowing what kind of personality you are dealing with will get you far in life. In just about

Boy-girl relationship, it's your boss, teacher, parent, friend, relative, child, practically everyone. 

But know this " If you don't know who you are, you won't who anyone else is either, it all starts with knowledge of self."