Saturday, 24 April 2021

Wilde Reborn (A one act play) By Kashif Nasir



Wilde Reborn
(A one-act play)
Scene 1
Act 1

Scene: At Wilde's mansion. He is sitting in an expensively decorated room. The sofas are red and the walls are white, the floor is made of white marble, in the background, two giant stairs cases lead to the upper portion. There is a bar at the left of the sofa, spirits of all sorts are placed on the shelves. Through the French windows, the evening in the garden can be seen.

He has this strange idea, what if we chose our spouses like we chose our books?

"What do you mean like go to a cheap roadside sale, where there are a bunch of women laying down in alluring captivating covers?"

"Or men for that matters?" said his friend.

"You are insane."

"I have been called worse, anyway I am a firm believer that there is not a single idea that's insane enough, there is just unwillingness to carry the idea out."

"You cannot really mean that."

"Of course not, but I am saying for the sake of the argument, we are safe here, as a writer I feel safest on paper, I can do things which I won't do in reality, I can say things which I dare not, I can be what I cannot be, I can tear things in half, I can create or remake a world, I can get you your woman or I can steal her away, I can be God."

The eyes of his friend were filled with contempt. He could have been anything, such talent, such good looks, all wasted because he got into literature. He realized that it was ruining his friend's life. He was like a masterpiece facing erosion, decaying, disappearing. Sometimes he stared at his friend and didn't even recognize him, sometimes he was not his friend, sometimes he was someone else. Sometimes he was God. And all gods are arrogant.

"How will you choose a woman?"

"Well, it depends, it will differ from man to man, I think some men will visit expensive book shops."

"Rich men, you mean, like men visit expensive households, families with wealth, families with maiden daughters, well, maiden or not." He laughed.

"Yes," his friend waited "and they will choose."

"What they can afford." The arrogant prick cut in again.

"Your hypothesis has a hole, you are comparing non-living things with living things, in reality, men and women chose each other, but a book cannot choose a person, so." He left the sentence unfinished.

" A book cannot choose a person" he contemplated the thought, chewed on the idea, savored its contents, let juices run down deep into his intellect, he was quiet for a while, when he spoke again his voice was changed, he sat straighter, the arrogance was gone, he spoke with more vigor, he spoke dreamily, he spoke with conviction. "Ever been to book sales? The cheap ones, I have, there are so many books and there is always so little money, I walk hours between the stalls, unable to choose, unable to reach a decision, but then for absolutely no reason, I am drawn to a book, it might have an eye-catching cover, or it might be the dullest of the lot, but I am drawn to it, for some time I just stare at her, unable to move hypnotized, I stare at her she stares back, we steal glances at each other, here we have a beginning of a love affair, my feet are cold and I cannot move, but then she twists her head, shows a little bit of neck, all choosing signals, telling me, it's safe to approach, then I reach her, I caress her cover, my hand moves along her spine, we have reached an understanding, we know that it's okay. We know that it's meant to be. She allows me to take her home.

We mess around a little while. Me trying to act like I don't care. Her trying to act like it doesn't affect her, a little foreplay, all part of the primordial ritual. We delay gratification until finally my passion reaches Climax and she finally surrenders to my advances, then I open her up and lose myself inside her." He suddenly became very quiet like he was exhausted.

"Are we still talking about books?" his friend said dumbly.

"Are we?" he said to no one in particular. "My friend, I just gave you a highly graphic representation of how a book can indeed choose a person."

"Well I can't say I believe you, but it's all an argument right, an idea, a theory, so that's your opinion, you think that's how marriages work?

"Relationships, my dear fellow, not marriages. Listen, a man falls in love with a book, okay but for how long? eventually, he will get bored, eventually, he will crave a new thrill, all men are animals it's our nature, okay, so he visits another sale, you can call it the dating pool, or trying one's options, whatever floats your boat. At first, he is hesitant, he feels guilty, but the anticipation of pleasures will always overcome guilt. So he finally gives in and falls in love with a new mistress, he falls in love with a new book."

"I don't understand."

"That's because I am a nobody writer, if another asshole with a bit of followers on social media had written the same gibberish, you would have understood it, my dear fellow you would have been crying his praises, people would be downloading his photos and making those their profile pictures, a worldwide identity crisis within minutes, new York times would be writing articles, he would be called a sage, a genius, his books would be a literary marvel, set become a modern-day classic. I would tell you something remember this, the world doesn't understand, it's a brain-dead organism, an amoeba, a jellyfish, the world doesn't understand, it follows."

"Follows what?"

"Whatever it can follow?"

"You are being vague again."

"Great, because I hate being plain."

"Okay then, love affairs are book sales?"

"that's one way to look at it, another way is that, book sales are love affairs, the literature is Eros, that poetry is romance, that self helps are breakups, that there are books you lose and you never get over them, that's first love, that without language there is no feeling, without word there is no expression, that without authors there is no history, that without reading there is no life."

"My God, you are a poet, A Wilde reborn."

"Blasphemy," He said disgusted by the thought. "Wilde cannot be reborn; he is not your Buddha or Jesus Christ, he is something else, he doesn't tell you to worship him. He tells you to fuck off; he says I said what I said, he says I am what I am, wait, that doesn't sound right, do you think Christ was Wilde? No, it cannot be, Wilde drowned himself in every pleasure known to man, but Christ is God, he abhors pleasures, in fact, he abhors the greatest thing he created. Us.

"That's not how it works; the Christian theology teaches that Jesus loves you."

"Does he, then why did he leave, why isn't he coming back? He is acting like a spurned lover."

"I don't know maybe you will have to ask the priest, anyway I have to leave." He picked up his coat and waited before the door. Through the door one could see that evening was falling like a magic spell, the sky was a poem, the lightning a symphony." I must say though, your thoughts are terrible and you are a despicable individual."

"Good night." The writer said.

(Exit The Friend)

When his friend left, he lost himself in the music, he listened to the same songs over and over again like a lunatic. It was night when she finally came.

(Enter Girl)

"Ready for a night debauchery." She said.

"Not tonight," he said without turning back. "I am very tired today, I feel drained."

"In that case," she said "want to talk about it" she lay down on a sofa.

Even her bare legs didn't turn him on. "I don't talk to women, I only love them, I talk to men and they bore me, I am alone I feel like a deserted island, a barren wilderness."

"Oh don't be like that love." Said the stupid girl.

"I want you to leave, I want to be alone."

"Leave and go where" she sat up, "you brought me here, you asked me to come."

"And now I am asking you to leave."

"I cannot go back it's too late, I will have to spend the night here. It's okay if you don't want to… tonight."

It's too late. I love this phrase; I want to write a book on it or maybe a poem."

"I never like it when you are like this."

"Nobody does, but this is who I am, I am he, I am Wilde reborn, I have come again to offend the prigs, the self-righteous, the bigots, the open-minded ones."

"Who is this Wilde you speak of all the time?"

"He is me and I am he."

"You are insane."

"I keep hearing that, I feel insane, sick to my stomach all my thoughts are vomit, all my writings filth, they should lock me up and burn my books, wait they already did that."

"Are you drunk?"

"Only slightly, want a drink?"

"Sure," she said eyebrows arched.

"Help yourself he waved at the two empty bottles he had finished."

"My god you are trying to kill yourself."

"And failing." He said.

"You have everything a man could want, wealth, fame, good looks, then why are you so unhappy."

"I don't know, I don't try to be happy, it seems phony to me, imagine fooling yourself into happiness, a tragedy, oh world, where are you going? Happiness should come to me. It should make me happy but it doesn't." he sat down on the sofa.

"It's not going to come in this place, this place is haunted." Said the girl.

"Haunted you mean like by ghosts."

"No, I mean by you."

Haha, he laughed. "I love women you are so fascinating a minute ago you were a dumb bimbo, now you are a philosopher, you women you are actors, you are illusions, you are mirrors you let men see whatever they want to see."

"And you are pathetic."

"I am pathetic, a major achievement, you know they all wanted me to be successful so in spite I became pathetic, I put my heart and soul into becoming pathetic and now that I am pathetic I don't like it."

"What do you like?"

"Anything which I can later dislike."

"That's your problem you are addicted to change, you move from pleasure to pleasure, you are a slave to it."

"To them."

"You are so shameless."

He didn't answer her.

"you really like nothing ?"

"no"

"you are so strange."

He said nothing.

Silence.

"there must be something you like."

"Why can't I just be instead of must be, I am tired of must be, I must be a brother, I must be a lover, I must be a provider, I must be a man, I must exist, I must do, I must."

"You are not a wood log, you are a living breathing human being."

"Then I must become a wood log."

"You are insane, I have to leave."

"You said you couldn't leave."

"I must now after you have insulted me."

"Aha must, you must… I see… feel free to leave."

She leaves.

"Everybody left I am alone now, how peaceful loneliness is, how dreadful it is, it's like loneliness, no simile to explain it. And now I will kill myself.

He stabs himself in the chest.

Curtain.

Friday, 23 April 2021

Our lady of Alice Bhatti by Muhammed Hanif, a review



I have been reading 'Our lady of Alice Bhatti' by Muhammad Hanif. Hanif is well known for his novel 'A Case of exploding mangoes' it won several international awards but some how the book have recently disappeared.

Our Lady of Alice Bhatti is about social issues but mostly it revolves around religious discrimination and abuse of lower classes by upper classes (yeah definitely my kind of book).

The Characters

Joseph Bhatti

Joseph Bhatti is an eccentric catholic Christian. He is an amazing, brutally honest character. Joseph by profession is a sweeper aka a choora (hey it says in the book). Joseph's routine involves cleaning people's toilets, ranting against both Christians and muslims for their discriminatory behavior towards chooras. one of the most amazing lines he said.
"Yeah, we are the shit cleaners but what are they? shit"
Joseph is not ashamed of who he is infact he believes that the lord sent prophets to clean humanity's refuse. Joseph walks what he talks and during raining season when the city is flooded he volunteers for draining the blocked pot holes and sewerage lines. Joseph also has a unique talent for curing stomach ulcers, he does that by reciting quranic verses. The church pastor believes that he is secretly a muslim. joseph has one daughter Alice Bhatti

Alice Bhatti

Alice Bhatti is a young girl in her twenties. Alice Bhatti is a strong feminist character. Her dialogues in the book can easily be converted in to feminist manifesto. she had already spent six months in prison after she stabbed a doctor who tried to force himself on her. after leaving the prison she manages to get a job in sacred heart hospital. she works as a nurse. Alice knows foul language which will even put hardened men to shame. she has a figure which tunrs heads.

Noor

A young boy of fourteen whose mother is suffering with three different types of cancers. Noor and his mother were in the same prison where Alice Bhatti was. Noor manages to get the favour of hospital's head Dr. Pereira. form there on he works he works like an unpaid slave in turn his mother gets a bed at the hospital.

Teddy Butt

Teddy Butt is unpaid pet of the local police. he does all the dirty work so the police can keep their hands clean. but he also has a soft heart, in his free time he likes to watch National Geographic. He actually cried when he saw a bear trapped on a melting ice patch.

Sister Hina

Senior nurse, a tough, smart mouth woman, who has keen interest in history.

Dr. Pereira

A puppet Christian head of the hospital who has lost his power ever since sacred heart hospital has been taken over by the muslim authorities.

Not Abu-Zar

Not Abu-Zar is a boy who claims that he is not Abu-Zar. Abu-Zar is a criminal young boy wanted in three different countries. The boy Inspector Malick has captured claims he is Abu-Zar's driver hence not Abu-Zar.

Inspector Malick

A sexist, loose canon cop involved in illegal activities and fake encounters.

Plot/Summary

The plot loosely revovles around the Sacred Heart hospital, which was founded by the catholics but is now under local government. several misfits, Noor, Alice Bhatti and Teddy Butt have found their way in to the sacred heart hospital. The story is narrated in third person, the narrator narrates the events of the characters lives as it unfolds, satire and dark humor fill the pages of this very entertaining yet disturbing novel.

My Thoughts

Devastating, painfully Honest and Original.

I have read alot over the years. This book is too good. It is better than Harper Lee's novel 'To kill a mocking bird' Harper lee never managed to adapt the mocking, insulting and rude tone which Hanif has used. Hanif has met the subject of religious discrimination head on with a heroic Valor. His satirical attacks on religion will even give Joesph Heller (Author of Catch 22) run for his money.

what makes this novel so good, so real, is its brutal honesty. Hanif shows us a picture of a society in which religious discrimination in not the exception but the rule. All this is done with a dark humor, I mean you laugh and then you stop and think, man, that's not okay.

This novels tells you that if you belong to a certain society. you can never wash it off you. if you have a certain past you can never escape it. The society won't let you. you can become of gold but still it won't

The novel turns really sad after 140 pages. I mean its funny in parts. but it gets really dark. As the characters lives are thrown in to circumstances they can't escape. It eventually leads to one of the most devastating endings I have ever read.

This novel will give you trauma that will take weeks to get over. There is something about Hanif's characters, dualism, they are tough and soft at the same time. I have no idea how someone can manage to pen something like this.

This novel can sound very sexist and racist at times. But it also shows why sexist and racist jokes are partly true and funny.

I can say with certainty that this is the best book I have ever read.who knew we had writers better than foreigners.

one wonders why these books, Dancing girls of Lahore, The Party worker and Our Lady Alice Bhatti are not being adapted for movies or web series, instead they are making love stories.

If you are bored by fiction I totally recommend this book.

My favorite lines

"Theses Muslas will make you clean their shit and then complain that you stink,... and our own brothers at the Sacred? They will educate you then ask you why you stink?"

"She always thinks his struggle to bring order to this world through the practice of good manners is a bit pointless"

He is too polite to point out that not all Christians are sweepers. He also fears the retort: But all sweepers are Christian."

"She has more moral principles than I have pubic hair"

"Sacred texts as well as profane novels don't record everything.

"These boys in Charya Ward are suffering from what everyone suffers from: life"

"You have to tell them everything is normal. They might have buggered their own sister and then burried her alive, but you must tell them that is normal. They obviously did it because some god told them to do it."

"Raising your arse to the sky has never seemed to her the best way to express devotion."

"Your Yasso couldn't have resurrected himslef. Moses couldn't have baked all the manna himslef."

"What has ... God got to do with Camels? why are they stuck on this ugly beast? what's wrong with the horses? what's wrong with horses with wings? hell, what's wrong with trains? why all these hoves and humps pornography?"

"He has seen the postcards they send, and it seems to him maybe Yasso wasn't the eternal savior of mankind but a visa officer."

"This kind of man: Joseph Bhatti Choora. we were here before the Christians came, before the Muslas came. Even before the hindus came.I am just not the sun of soil. I am the soil. Yes, I am Joseph Bhatti Choora."

"Imran Khan is a failed batsman masquerading as a bowler."

"Every little step forward in life is preceded by a ritual humiliation.Every little happiness asks for a down-payment"

"Love is not just blind, it's deaf and dumb and probably has as advanced case of Alzheimer's it's unhinged."

"Mostly call her daughter or sister and then do exactly what they would do with their own daughters and sister: They treat her like a slave they bought at clearance sale."

"Any man who reaches for a book when he thinks about you is a man that you should think about."

"Love can only survive if it comes with ration card."

"Qaiser from Oklahoma, who claims to sell the thing which catholic evangelists all over the world seem to sell, the promise that the lame shall walk... how about real miracles, like the drains shall remain unclogged? or the hungry shall be fed?"

"Not a single day when she didn't see a woman shot or hacked, strangled or suffocated, poisoned or burnt, hanged or burried alive. Suspicious husband, brother protecting his honour, father protecting his honour, son protecting his honour,jilted loved avenging his honour, feuding farmers settling their water disputes, money lenders collecting their interests: most of the life's arguments, it seemed got settled by doing various things to a woman's body. A woman was something you could get as a loose change in a deal made on street corner."

He feels that finally they have pulled Yasso down to their level, as if Yasso wasn't the savior of all mankind but a janitor who went around cleaning their streets, then sat in a corner drinking his Choora chai from his Choora cup until the day he quiety died and ascended to a choora heaven."

"First love is like first heart attack. Chances are that you will survive it, but you don't outlive it. That first gasp of air is beginning of the end."

"But keeping a woman happy, any woman happy is impossible. You can become a clown in a circus and learn to swallow real swords, but it won't bring a smile to her face. there is a deep hidden well of sadness in every woman, and on certain afternoons its mouth yawns open and it can suck in every colour in this world."

Faith is the same old fear of death, dressed in party clothes."

"you could not grow up in french and not have God shoved down your throat."

Now that I am getting old they want me to literally see God in vegetables. for the last five years, every year there is a aubergine somewhere that , when you slice it has word Allah running through it. I am sure if you slice it another way you can see your own husband's face and if you move it side ways you can read something obscence. ... I know some people see Yasso on a cross or his mother in a pretty dress in every seasonal fruit. isn't there always a flood or earthquake or a child run over by a speeding car driven by another child to remind us that god exists."

Thursday, 22 April 2021

I saw you in the winter rain



I saw you in the winter rain
You were drenched in sorrow
And dressed in pain

A tattered coat you were wearing too
It was brown and purple
And pink and blue

Your shoes showed scars of previous wars
And the battered tie told
How you came so far

Your shirt was torn in places too
It showed your wounds
red and blue

Then I saw, it wasn’t rain
It was hailing stones
It was pouring pain

I saw how cold were your hands
I got a peak
At your damaged brain

I wanted to drag you under the shade
To pause the scene
Before you fade

And the rain came pouring down in sheets
And still you stood
In the middle of the streets

Then you saw me
And I thought you knew
That you were me
And I was you.

Friday, 2 April 2021

Albatross, Most romantic Courtship ritual




Albatrosses

Albatrosses are very large seabirds in the family Diomedeidae. They range widely in the Southern Ocean and the North Pacific.

Flying

Albatrosses are the most efficient travelers of all vertebrates on the planet. They expend very little energy soaring hundreds of miles over the ocean each day using dynamic soaring and slope soaring. They have a tendon in each shoulder locking their wings fully-extended, so once aloft and soaring across a fair breeze they never need to flap their wings.

Courting Ritual and Dancing

Albatrosses reach sexual maturity slowly, after about five years, but even once they have reached maturity, they do not begin to breed for another few years (even up to 10 years for some species).

Young non-breeders attend a colony prior to beginning to breed, spending many years practicing the elaborate breeding rituals and "dances" for which the family is famous.Birds arriving back at the colony for the first time already have the stereotyped behaviors that compose albatross language, but can neither "read" that behavior as exhibited by other birds nor respond appropriately.After a period of trial and error learning, the young birds learn the syntax and perfect the dances. This language is mastered more rapidly if the younger birds are around older birds.

The repertoire of behavior involves synchronized performances of various actions such as preening, pointing, calling, bill clacking, staring, and combinations of such behaviors (such as the sky-call).When a bird first returns to the colony, it dances with many partners, but after a number of years, the number of interactions drops, until one partner is chosen and a pair is formed. They then continue to perfect an individual language that will eventually be unique to that one pair. Having established a pair bond that will last for life, however, most of that dance will never be used again.

Albatrosses are held to undertake these elaborate and painstaking rituals to ensure that the appropriate partner has been chosen and to perfect partner recognition.

Myth: Albatrosses are souls of lost sailors

A widespread myth holds that sailors believe shooting or harming an albatross is disastrous, due in part to the poem; as reported by James Cook in 1772. However, other sailors reportedly caught the birds but let them free again, possibly believing that albatrosses were the souls of lost sailors, so killing them would bring bad luck.

Albatross; a metaphor for poet

The poet is like this prince of the clouds,

who haunts the storm and mocks the archer;

but exiled on earth surrounded by jeers,

his giant wings make him helpless to walk.

watch the courtship dance here


Saturday, 20 March 2021

Man's search for meaning by Victor E Frankl, 8 Questions with Kashif Nasir



23rd March 2020, what are we celebrating?


23rd March 2020, what are we celebrating?

The IMF loans, The supposedly rigged election, the inflation, the forced disappearances, the teachers on strike, the young doctors on strike, the increasing number of youth who wants to flee the country, the joblessness, the pollution, the corruption, the suicides, the forced conversions, the sons of military men who are harassing the civilians, the Panama scandal or the papa john’s pizza scandal?
Oh sorry, it’s about the war machines show, the patriotic songs and the banners, right.

Please tell me when was the last time a tank was used? In 1965 war, or 1971 war, anyway it was more than fifty years ago.

During the last fifty years we haven’t used a tank. We haven’t used any weapon because we had no wars. The Siachen and Kargil conflict, minor conflicts compared to the full blown wars.

For fifty years these things have been kept in store rooms. They have served no purpose.

George Orwell says in his novel 1984. The question was how to keep the industry’s wheels turning without increasing the standard of living. In a world where everyone had a car and his own house the major difference between social classes would already disappear.

The answer is spending the energy and money on a floating fortress (any sort of military weapon). It serves no purpose but to waste the surplus of the industry, which if used properly would increase the standard of living of the masses. Which eventually would cause the annihilation of the class pyramid.

The only use for floating fortress is to break it down and later remake a bigger floating fortress. Endlessly waste the surplus of industry.

Orwell also predicts that there will be no more wars. The conflicting powers have reached a power balance. With modern day weapons, if it came to war all of them will be destroyed.

Yet they keep collecting weapons waiting for that fateful moment when they will get the opportunity to strike first and destroy the enemy country so completely that they will not be able to retaliate.

Nationalism, an absolute idea

Nationalism is a tribal idea: “My tribe is better than yours”
The idea has its root in pride one of the greatest human vices.
Where is the evidence that one tribe could be better than the other?
Nationalism or patriotism might have worked in past. But this idea is based on competition and world needs cooperation. Remember in the age of industrialization Britain, Spain, Rome and other powers competed for raw materials. Which lead to colonization, No good can come out of competition. Haven’t we learned anything from history?

Imagine, instead of competing if India and Pakistan cooperated. Easier trade, easier travel, less investment in weapons more money to spend on health and education.
Patriotism is cashed in political rallies. Anti-Pakistan stance sells in India and Anti-India stance in Pakistan. The citizens don’t hate each other. The politicians gain votes by selling patriotism.
There is only one department which benefits from war. Nobody else wants it.

Foreign policy

When Benazir came in to power. She was told that she won’t interfere in the foreign policy.

The foreign policy on both sides of the border is designed by you-know-who. Pakistan and India both had weak democratic governments from the start. You know what happened to the founding fathers, Gandhi was shot, Liaqat Ali Khan was shot, Nehru died of heart attack, Fatima Jinnah was labeled traitor by you-know-who.

When foreign policy is being designed by a certain institute, that institute will make sure of its own privileges.
Pakistan and India cannot reach peace until the foreign policy comes in to the hands of democratic governments.

Monday, 15 March 2021

Man’s search for meaning ten questions with Kashif Nasir




Man’s search for meaning ten questions with Kashif Nasir


Have I found the meaning of my life?

You see in the book, professor victor is looking back at his memories of his imprisonment in the Nazi camp. It is later he realizes that he has found meaning in his experience.
Similarly I can say that I too have found meaning in my experiences, my close friends are aware of my history, some internet friends also know my problem.
Anyway, People tell me that I am a good listener or I am kind. I think that, what I am today is because of my past my experience, so to answer the question. Indeed I have found a meaning, in words of Parveen Shakir,
Bin aqs ainay ka hunr b na khul ska,
Gham k baghair qlb o nazr ko jila kahan,
I have found the meaning that suffering makes one kinder and wiser, it builds character. But some may say I have avoided the question, So I would say the meaning of my life is I have realized is to accept a reality but still live with dignity to carry the cross without complain.

Has the book convinced me?
Yes it has, but let me answer why it has convinced me.
Man’s search for meaning is not your ordinary self help book. Professor victor isn’t selling cheap impractical formula for something that is advertised as “success”.
Professor victor has in fact suffered; he has suffered in Nazi concentrations camp. So when he says that he has found meaning in his suffering I believe him. I think it was Emerson who said, “What you are screams so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what you say” and that’s true for professors Victor one can simply be convinced by his life story.

What would I say if someone asked what is the meaning of their life?
It’s a difficult question to answer because each individual is unique and meaning of life would be different for everyone. But if someone asked me, what would be the meaning of their life, I would tell them that stop asking this question, meaning of life is like happiness you cannot chase it, you cannot force it, it must follow as a consequence like Professor Victor says in the book. Happiness is consequence of something you enjoy, similarly your meaning of life also would be consequence of your everyday life experiences, just try to understand your life and the meaning will be revealed to you.

Why was I unable to finish the book?
Talha brother is a very nice person, but generally speaking why one isn’t able to get in to a book. May be the time isn’t right? Maybe you presently can’t relate to the subject, may be the book will speak to you in future, Man’s search for meaning is a book for people who are looking for answers, it also possible that the answer you are seeking might not be in this book.

Who would you recommend this book and why?

Recommending a book is always risky, people question your intentions, you recommend this book to someone, and first thing they will ask you “do you think I am suicidal?”

Anyway, I would recommend this book to anyone who has become tired of their everyday routine, anyone who wonders, at the end of the week, or month or year, that what’s the point of all this, why am I doing this, it doesn’t even matters,

As to why I would recommend it is because

This book has enough logic to create doubt, it can influence your perspective, so where once you saw futility, you might see hope, you just might stop being unhappy.

Why haven’t I committed suicide yet?

Anyway I am going to answer the question because I think it will benefit many people.
I think all of us have considered it at a certain time. Personally I wouldn’t do it because my parents won’t be able to deal with it.
Which brings to professor victor’s point, listen to this carefully it might help a lot of people. There are two point professors victor makes.

He asks his suicidal patients why haven’t they committed suicide yet, eventually his patients reveal something that’s precious to them, it could be a child, it could be a project, and basically it is something which needs that person in order to exist. There is someone who needs you, there is a project a book or something only you can write only you can finish and that’s why you shouldn’t do it.
Which brings me to Professor Victor’s second point
In second point he questions people who had failed suicide attempts. And these people according to professor tell him that they are very thankful that they failed.
The point is suicide results from a lack of options in a certain situation, but the thing is in future the situation might change, but in order for you to see that new situation those change circumstances you must leave to see that day.

How has this book helped me overcome my existential crises?

An existential crisis is the biggest problem of our generation. it has its roots in automation, all our work is automated, so we are having more and more free time, and we have no idea what to do with it.
Secondly there are busy people who also experience existential crises. An existential crisis is caused by finding no meaning in one’s life.

Personally in this book professor victor suggests three ways to overcome existential crises is
1) Loving someone unconditionally,
2) Finding meaning in your suffering
3) Dedicating yourself to something.

For me it is literature, I have a channel when I think my opinion might help humanity I post, I have a blog, when I feel inspired I land a poem, I am working with a magazine and all this has made a lot of difference. So I think I used the third option from professor victor’s book.

How has the book changed my life?

This book has created doubt in my life theory, I was influenced by Richard Dawkin’s selfish gene, a book which tells you human beings are survival machines, that we are controlled by multi cellular organisms, that we have no will and our bodies are merely vehicles survival machines for those organisms.
People have lost sleep after reading this book.
But man’s search for meaning shifted my perspective from nihilism, this book convinced me that man actions matter, so in past I was resigned to life but now I feel myself involved. My actions matter. My behavior affects people.

What’s the inner hold which determines people’s actions in pressure situations?

It’s a big question, what determines our actions in a certain situation, logically it’s mostly emotion and instinct, why people act the way they act? I can’t answer this, I don’t know, I guess you will have to read the book to find out, or maybe observe the people around you, but most importantly observe your actions, why you did what you did, and you will realize most of the actions came from instinct of self preservation.